#Goals?

You probably know this about me already, since you have to live with me (HA!) but sometimes, I really can't tell what I want to say. I've been fairly quiet on this blog as of late, not for lack of advice but because your mom is kind of a hot mess right now. I got no idea what I'm doing.

Chances are, neither do you. Depends on how old you are, but it's likely that if you're twelve or older, you have no clue what you're doing with your life. Before you're twelve, you'll find a million things you'll want to do, what you'll want to be, how you'll get there. You'll work so hard for about six months to be an astronaut then you'll decide to be a chef and try so hard to cook for your family. Then, when cooking loses your attention, you'll want to be a doctor, a vet, a teacher, president! You'll have unlimited potential.

Then, something strange will happen.

You'll wake up one day and feel like all that potential...is gone. You'll have no idea where your passions lie, unless you're very lucky and find what makes you tick early on. But, even then, knowing what you love to do doesn't mean you know how you're going to get there, or what you will end up doing.

The world, at least, in my experience, is one of those places that doesn't do well to remind you of your potential. The funny thing is, you can do literally anything you want if you put your mind to it but the world says no. The world tells you, don't aim for that, it's impossible. You don't have enough money, enough talent, you don't look right, you aren't smart enough.

I know I've certainly felt all of those things many times over and my belief in my own potential has suffered. Here I am, at 21, with a basic idea of what I want for my future but no real..drive or belief that I can have what I want and need. If I could see how lost I would feel at age ten, I'd be so sad. At ten years old, I knew who I was, what I wanted, and I had goals to get it.

Unfortunately, plans don't always work out. Life throws curveballs and sometimes, you get too comfortable, so the universe has to knock you down a bit. It's the way things are. The only thing I can try to do for you is help you see that it doesn't matter what the world thinks. If you believe you can be as big as a president, or someone as caring as a doctor, then no one should be able to tell you that you can't be those things. Money comes and goes. Looks fade, Talent grows only as much as you use it. You never stop learning...and if you do, it's because you're not trying to learn.

Nothing can stop you from being everything you want to be. It might be too late for me to learn that lesson, but you don't have to be like me. Shoot for the stars your entire life. Don't outgrow dreams. Work hard and fight for what you want.

You'll be amazed at what you can do.

Religion: You And Your 'Dated' Beliefs

Today was Conference Sunday(Of the General sort.  I'm sure you understand by the time you're actually reading this.)

Over this past week, I've had the opportunity to ponder my own beliefs in a Higher Being and I've also seen quite a few people who think I'm stupid for what I believe.

I'm fairly certain at this point that you're well versed in my beliefs so, I won't waste too many words on that specific area. What I wanted to talk to you about today is living in a world that doesn't want to believe.

Now, I'm strictly speaking about the immediate world. In America, the loudest voices say that only small minded fools believe in some mystical man in the clouds. The educated people know that science is the root of everything and if you even doubt that being true, you are stupid and you don't deserve to breathe American air.

Note that I said 'the loudest voices.' Not everyone believes this. Sure, there are plenty of people who believe completely in science over religion, plenty of people who don't believe in anything they can't see, and some people who simply don't believe in anything at all.

I was flipping through my Facebook the other day (A social media website, one I'm not entirely sure will be around when you're old enough to dabble in social media) and stumbled on a post that depicted extremist beliefs in a Christian tone. I didn't agree with what the picture said, but that wasn't what stood out to me. What stood out was reading the comments on this post, full of hate and loathing, disdain for the idiots that could believe in a God.

Like, OMG, it's 2014, get with the times and get your head out of your butt. Religion is SOOOOO yesterday.

I'm sure I'll touch on PLENTY of issues that the loudest voices scream and rant about but those are topics to save for another day.

Apparently, it's okay to believe in God as long as you're not religious. It's okay to have no religion. It's okay to have an unorthodox religion because, yay, your rights are protected! But if you're in my boat, a Christian, an LDS Christian at that, who has a firm set of standards and beliefs that I stand by, well, you're suddenly public enemy number one, the loudest voices say.

I won't lie. Sometimes, it's hard to be the one to make unpopular decisions or make stances that make others look at me differently because of what I feel in my heart. Sometimes it's hard to see comments from complete strangers who are trying to educate the ignorant sheep who follow religion just to be in controlled masses. Sometimes, my faith waivers and I wonder where I really stand.

Thank God I have enough of a testimony to be able to look at my life, where I came from, where I'm going, and understand that if I changed who I was, or if I DIDN'T change who I was, the different path I would be on would leave me in an unhappy place.

My faith kept me from succumbing to depression a few times. If I didn't have faith that I would be taken care of if I did what I needed to do to protect myself and exercise my faith with others, I don't really know if I would be here to write this letter today. And that would have been no one's fault but my own.

I don't know how your world will treat you for believing what you will, but I hope that, if you are faced with what I see every day, you'll have a support system, like I do, that makes the negative easy to ignore.

The people I work with know my beliefs and, whether they agree or not, they accept me for who I am because I let my beliefs shine through in the best possible way. If you claim to believe in loving others and acceptance, then you had better be able to walk the walk. I may be a cynical grouch toward humanity, but for people who are fixtures in my life, be it at work or elsewhere, I love them for everything they are.

I love them for their differences and I can feel the same from them. I would never dream of throwing away potential friendships just because someone believes differently and I swear, I hope you feel the same. If I could do ONE thing correctly as a parent, I want you to know, appreciate, and value others for everything they are. Love them in spite of perceived flaws, allow them to make their own choices. Support what you can but don't let misconceptions or misunderstanding change how you treat them.

Would you want someone to do that to you? Or do you want someone who is willing to be a friend, even if they disagree with you on religion or even standards? Of course, don't let anyone change your standards, stand by what you believe, but don't discount the value of a person because they drink while you don't. Don't hate someone for deciding that God isn't important to them when He is to you. Don't judge someone harshly for a difference in lifestyle.

I promise, you'll find that it's much easier to hold your head high and say 'Yeah, I believe that. These are my standards.' Just let yourself be surrounded by positive people, educate yourself on the beliefs of others, respect, and love. If you can do those four things, you'll find it's much easier to have people around who will do the same for you, even if they don't fully understand.

Figure out what you believe. Build a testimony of something. I will teach you what I know but, ultimately, the choice will be yours. All I can do is love you, respect you, educate you to the best of my ability, and share my standards. I'll fall, I'll have some failures, and so will you. But, to show what I feel in my heart, just having you will give me the best reason to be a good example and 'practice what I preach.'

As for the others, I hope to give you a system of support with the rest of your family and your friends, so that I can help allow you some comfort when you see mindless attacking of your beliefs.

Hmm. I feel like I rambled but I think I said everything I wanted to.

Treat others well, love them, be a good example, respect them. And encourage me to do the same! It'll make life so much easier for everyone involved.

Dear Future Child, The First of Many Words of 'Wisdom'

(Initially posted Septemper 2nd, 2013) Dear future child, 

I'm going to start this with a very simple statement. The world is a scary place even now as I write this. I can't imagine what it will be like when you're old enough for this, so...I'm going to speak addressing the problems I see younger people dealing with now. I imagine I'll have the necessary conversations with you about your current world when I know what we're up against.

Did you catch that? I said 'What WE'RE up against.'

Nowadays, I know how easy it is to feel alone and let me tell you, it sucks. It's downright awful. But...you can get through it. I will be by your side from the very beginning to the day I die and beyond. You may not always understand why I yell, why I lose my temper, why I sometimes am hypocritical...but I'm trying.

As much as you're learning right now, I'm learning how to be the one that watches you struggle, the one who tries to teach you everything I know that potentially saved my own life.

Right now, I see younger and younger CHILDREN getting themselves into horrifying situations because of absent parents, poor role models, and peer pressure. There is much more to that list, but that's what I'm putting out there.

They experiment with dangerous things in order to feel grownup and let me tell you...if I find out you broke your standards to fit in, and I will find out, the punishments will be severe. Why?

Because I love you. I adore everything you are even now, without knowing who you are, when you will be with me...I love you, because I know you're there, watching.

There are young kids running around trying to be adults, trying to play in these 'grown up' relationships and let me tell you, nothing good will come from these. They might seem fun and exciting now, but even I've experienced the dark side to rushing into something you are simply too young to understand.

I am far from perfect, I am far from the perfect example and there will likely be things I choose to keep to myself until you are older to understand.

I know you will make mistakes. I know you have made mistakes. I still love you for everything you are, everything you can be, and everything you will be. (Unless you're a serial killer, then I maaaaay have some troubles there. Anyway, back to seriousness.)

Anything that is important to you, share it with me. I want to know you. I want to know what makes you happy because you make me happy, even when you drive me absolutely crazy.

Everything you struggle with, tell me. Let me in. I may not always understand(or so you think) but I want to try. I want to support you and be there for you no matter what.

By the time you read this, you know your mama is ranty and can't always say everything I want to as well as I need to, but I pray that you understand. I pray that you have a testimony, a mind of your own, and that you understand you need to love YOU. It doesn't matter if that stupid kid in class doesn't like you because I LOVE YOU. Your Heavenly Father loves you and knows so much more about you than I can even imagine.

Value yourself and you will find that when difficult choices come up in your life, you won't make a bad decision because of someone else, you'll make the mistake because you're human and you thought it was what YOU wanted.

I don't expect perfection, but I do expect you to TRY. Try to be your best at all times, even if that means you feel alone in your group of friends, even if it feels like I'm holding you to an impossible standard. Please, please, you will understand in time, if you don't now.

Oh, and don't let the computer rot your mind. Don't get that stupid brain implant(should they have those.) Borgs are not THAT attractive.

Learn your talents, do what you love, work hard. Even if you don't want to, trust me, I almost never WANT to work hard, but it's important.

So, I guess I'm done for now, but I'll leave you with this.

I love you. I LOVE YOU. I promise I will be that embarrassing mother that wants to hug you in public, kiss your forehead in front of your friends, even if I need to make you crouch to do so.

As I am only human, there are very few things that you will EVER do that could make my love for you falter(see the serial killer comment.) But I will always try to make sure you know without a doubt, if it's you against the world, I am right behind you, singing Eye of the Tiger in my awkward way. You will be Rocky, dangit!

Be good, make good choices, stand in holy places and all that jazz. And don't be afraid to come to me if you are having trouble with your beliefs. I will help you and love you always in the end.

Love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

Signed, your faulty, imperfect, but loving mother ♥